With the fiscal cliff fast approaching, American investors scour the markets searching for financial safe havens. Again, talks of investing in commodities flood the popular news networks. Buy gold. Silver. Oil. Cattle. Land. Stark predictions fill the tabloids: The world order is collapsing... the good ole' greenback depreciates beyond recognition... apocalypse looms in the near-future! So, of course, commodities would be worth more than the green rags in your wallets.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think gold and silver are viable investments. Additionally, I believe oil will maintain significant value for the foreseeable future. I don't know much about cattle and land, but they sound more reliable than paper money in the event that a geopolitical holocaust starves the world of order and sound judgment (thereby stripping the civilized world of its method... leaving mere madness and hellish chaos). If the economy as we know it spirals into a financial cesspool, these standard commodities probably give the greatest chance for fiscal strength.
With Christmas just around the corner, however, I'd like to offer an additional commodity: wrapping paper. Wrapping paper has proven to be both socially irreplaceable and limited in supply. Sure, it sounds funny (even stupid), but so is the concept of wrapping paper! Since when did we have to double surprise people with gifts? It's not enough to give someone a gift (which would be the first surprise). We must also conspicuously wrap it in delicate paper ornate with stamped reindeer and undetachable tape (surprise two). Though ridiculous, wrapping gifts has become a social norm. Rarely does one receive a gift that is not wrapped, packed, or bagged with special love and a hallmark greeting card. As long as we perpetuate such hilarity, wrapping paper remains a mainstay in American gift-giving.
Wrapping paper suffers from scarce supply but high demand. Some may think they can retrieve another roll from the local supermarket, but they have never run out of wrapping paper and been forced to fuse two dissimilar patterns. It's absurd! If you're going to secure your favorite prints, you have to buy dozens of rolls of wrapping paper from your local door-to-door school fundraiser. Limited designs create quick sales in large magnitudes... no one wants awkwardly dissimilar wrap jobs.
What about directions for using wrapping paper? No one teaches a man how to wrap a gift. The art implies inefficiencies which exhaust large amounts of wrapping paper. Before long, a man's "flop-chop n' fold" method expends multiple rolls of wrapping paper on a few oddly shaped gifts. Subsequently, more wrapping paper is purchased. A new print is required. More wrapping paper is purchased to match old wrapping paper. Increased demand causes short supply. Short supply creates ever increasing demand... hence causes ridiculous prices for cheaply crafted snowmen on weakly fabricated paper that scissors can't cleanly tear. More school fundraisers are required to sell more door-to-door wrapping paper. The cycle continues...
If you ask me, with the fiscal cliff looming, forget your hoards of gold and silver... leave the oil in the ground... instead, I recommend you stock up on wrapping paper... lots and lots of snowman/reindeer/red-laced/shiny/pre-pressed/re-pressed/recycled wrapping paper.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think gold and silver are viable investments. Additionally, I believe oil will maintain significant value for the foreseeable future. I don't know much about cattle and land, but they sound more reliable than paper money in the event that a geopolitical holocaust starves the world of order and sound judgment (thereby stripping the civilized world of its method... leaving mere madness and hellish chaos). If the economy as we know it spirals into a financial cesspool, these standard commodities probably give the greatest chance for fiscal strength.
With Christmas just around the corner, however, I'd like to offer an additional commodity: wrapping paper. Wrapping paper has proven to be both socially irreplaceable and limited in supply. Sure, it sounds funny (even stupid), but so is the concept of wrapping paper! Since when did we have to double surprise people with gifts? It's not enough to give someone a gift (which would be the first surprise). We must also conspicuously wrap it in delicate paper ornate with stamped reindeer and undetachable tape (surprise two). Though ridiculous, wrapping gifts has become a social norm. Rarely does one receive a gift that is not wrapped, packed, or bagged with special love and a hallmark greeting card. As long as we perpetuate such hilarity, wrapping paper remains a mainstay in American gift-giving.
Wrapping paper suffers from scarce supply but high demand. Some may think they can retrieve another roll from the local supermarket, but they have never run out of wrapping paper and been forced to fuse two dissimilar patterns. It's absurd! If you're going to secure your favorite prints, you have to buy dozens of rolls of wrapping paper from your local door-to-door school fundraiser. Limited designs create quick sales in large magnitudes... no one wants awkwardly dissimilar wrap jobs.
What about directions for using wrapping paper? No one teaches a man how to wrap a gift. The art implies inefficiencies which exhaust large amounts of wrapping paper. Before long, a man's "flop-chop n' fold" method expends multiple rolls of wrapping paper on a few oddly shaped gifts. Subsequently, more wrapping paper is purchased. A new print is required. More wrapping paper is purchased to match old wrapping paper. Increased demand causes short supply. Short supply creates ever increasing demand... hence causes ridiculous prices for cheaply crafted snowmen on weakly fabricated paper that scissors can't cleanly tear. More school fundraisers are required to sell more door-to-door wrapping paper. The cycle continues...
If you ask me, with the fiscal cliff looming, forget your hoards of gold and silver... leave the oil in the ground... instead, I recommend you stock up on wrapping paper... lots and lots of snowman/reindeer/red-laced/shiny/pre-pressed/re-pressed/recycled wrapping paper.
Your Andy Rooney-esque parody on gift wrapping from the male is appreciated. However, if you were to investigate Japanese culture you will learn that the art of gift wrapping is an essential, and often more important, aspect of gift giving than the value of the actual gift.
ReplyDeleteNow, if you look at it from the child's perspective, ripping the wrapping paper off the box is a very important part of gift getting.
To paraphrase my wife's comment about cooking a meal and eating it too fast, gift etiquette should demand that the gift getter spend at least as much time carefully unwrapping the gift as it took the gift giver to wrap it.
In fact, in past generations, the wrapping paper was often removed with care and use to wrap another gift in the future. Re-wrapping is not to be confused with re-gifting. Moreover, re-gifting with the same re-wrapping must certainly be poor etiquette.