Ten Facebook Friends You Won't Unfriend

   

      Zuckerberg wins.  Facebook rules our lives.  Unless you live on a remote island in the Pacific Ocean or work aboard the International Space Station, you've become an avid follower of your thousand closest friends on Facebook.  You scroll your news feed at lightning speed and "like" at least 100 posts each day.  Hash tags, text-type, and buzz proliferate your page.  You don't know why you just "liked" your best friend's food pic, but it's too late.  You're already responding to your high school girlfriend's husband's politically insensitive meme.  It's life... well, at least it's somebody's life.  

      The jungle that is called a "social network" thrives on the egotism, drama, and satire of everyday folks.  Without the self-inflation, zealotry, and voyeurism that makes the web spin, The Facebook would be a social disaster.  Here's a tribute to the ten people you won't unfriend even though they drive you crazy...

1)  The Crossfitter.  A serious, Workout-aholic.  Affiliated with at least one Crossfit gym.  
Today, I completed the WOD in 6:27.  PR.  I couldn't do another burpee even if I tried.  Protein shake, cool down, and snuggles with my bulldog for me.  I'm exhausted.

2)  Foodie.  Literally, thinks they're the next best thing since sliced bread.  
I just whipped up a batch of my Grandma's peanut butter cookies.  Mmmmm... they smell so good... I'm thinking about submitting this recipe to Food Network.

3)  Whiner.  Self-explanatory... a chronic, public whiner.  
Woke up at 5 am for work today, was pulled over for speeding because I spilled my coffee on the dash and couldn't reset cruise control, and then I got to work to realize I wasn't scheduled today after all.

4)  Politician.  Politically illogical, dramatic, and usually overly zealous pseudo pundits.  
The American voting system would be better off if land owners were the only citizens that could vote.

5)  Troll.  Ignorantly inflammatory drive-by posters.  
Ferguson cops want to kill black people.

6)  Frequent texter.  No filter on stupid or inane mini-posts.  
woke up, but still tired ...  yummy breakfast with hubby ... morning yoga always brightens my day ... I LOVE TLC ... should probably get groceries, hubby used up the eggs on my yummy breakfast!

7)  Selfie.  Always a pic of themselves, anywhere, anytime.  
Me and my bro at Chili's ... check out the Grand Canyon behind me... didn't think I could photo bomb myself

8)  New Parent.  Proud, obsessive guardians of a new, impressionable life.  
definitely preggers... coming soon, another little baby next February... anyone need baby advice?  I'm only brand-new to this whole thing, but I'll post on your page a laundry list of advice along with every book (two) I've ever read on raising children...

9)  Hash tagger.  Serial tagger... doesn't have to make sense... ever!  
#Merica  #Crazy4Waffles  #WillWork4Food  #WorkStrong  #MericaStrong #Merica4WafflesWillWork4CrazyStrong

10)  Gamer.  Weirdos that link their gaming habits to their Facebook profiles.  
Henry has invited you to play Candy Crush... Jim has invited you to water his corn in farmville... Kim has spent nine straight hours killing zombies with plants she grew from sunshine.

      Crazy Facebook friends, you make this whole social networking thing work.  Zuckerberg owns you.  Stay crazy, friends.  #NeverUnfriend